WE'RE on the march with Sourav's Army, we're all going to SunCity. And we'll really shake 'em up when we win the World Cup, cozIndia are the greatest cricket team.'
Bet Ally MacLeod never guessed the memory of his finest hour wouldinspire a new breed of cricket fan. As England were going down toIndia in Durban on Wednesday, the Bharat Army's extensive songbooktook centre stage.
During the 1999 World Cup, four English Asians - Rakesh Patel,Havinder Mann, Sukhwinder Nijjar and Shailen Tank - put headstogether. Following India's Caribbean tour of 2001-02, they bought a25ft flag and inscribed it with 'Bharat [Hindi for India] BarmyArmy'. The name stuck; soon came a website, and 4000 members. Eightfactions are out here for the tournament, hailing from Belfast,Australia and Dubai to Canada, Norway and yes, even India.
'We are British Asians, and we support England - except whenthey're playing India,' explains Tank, a commercial manager fromSouthampton, who turned up for the game with his fellow-founders,each sporting orange, white and green hair, courtesy of some handycake dye. The Barmies and the Bharatis held a Jets-v-Sharks-typecouncil of war before the tournament: 'There are fundamentaldifferences. You'll never find us nipping away for a drink or fallingasleep because we're drinking. We have very strict family values.'Your mother would like them, honest.
DEVOTION: Owen Appolis was on duty as a media centre attendant atlast weekend's England-Pakistan clash in Cape Town. A sparely-builtblack fortysomething, he had risen at 3am, caught the bus at 4am fromAtlantis, a good 60 miles away, and arrived at Newlands an hourlater.
Monitoring the traffic from the planet's slowest lift was not thebest job he had ever had, but hey, if he squinted a bit and grabbedthe odd fag break, he could catch Shoaib or Vaughan on the press-boxTV through the glass. When the game ended, not long before 10pm, ourcrumpled hero had only another three hours of checks and double-checks to do before catching the bus back to Atlantis.
Overtime for a 23-hour day? Not on your nelly, though unlikethousands of volunteers, he was actually paid a fee, albeit a flat,modest one - which he preferred to keep to himself.
'Wouldn't have missed it for the world, man,' he grinned wearily.'This is the greatest boost cricket in this country could get.'
AN open letter to G McGrath Esq and B Lee Esq:
'Dear Glenn and Brett,
Inviting the curdled cream of British and Australian hackdom tostand in a net at a posh public school in Port Elizabeth and faceyour nasty slings and horrid arrows for the delectation of TV camerasand a biggish crowd doubtless seemed a fine way to spend a Fridayafternoon. Persuading us to sign insurance waivers - 'I do, at my ownrisk, agree to hold [Australian sponsors] Travelex Holdings Ltdharmless from any liability for claims from bodily injury' - was aneven brighter idea.
'Then again, nobody really anticipated any rough stuff. After all,your own journos treat you like Masters of the Universe. And wegentle Poms have acclaimed your control, admired your velocity, wetourselves over the immaculate precision of your bouncers and waxedlyrical over your infinite superiority to our own prissy dobbers. Howdeluded can you be?
'When the man from the Press Association drove one of the spinnerstowards the clock tower and hit a large woman just above the knee,the word went round: sure enough, you almost broke his writing handBrett, you rotter, Rotterdam lover.
'I even shared a matey smile with you, Glenn. Next thing I knew Iwas plunked a millimetre above the elbow. After a moment or two ofdeep panic over whether I'd ever lift a fork again, I received somekind advice from that perfectly-civil team manager of yours, SteveBarnard: have a lie down.
'So I felt obliged, in the interests of fair play and Commonwealthrelations, to retire extremely hurt. I'd forgotten to sign thatwaiver, you see: the guilt was overpowering.
'Trouble is, and I know this is going to sound terriblydisrespectful, but I can't recall which of you two left me in thisbruised and numbed state. Initially I was positive it was you, Glenn,but it was you, Brett, who inquired after my health. Please let meknow. I'd like to get the story right for my grandchildren. And mymore learned friends.'
